Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Everything I Learnt About Men I Learnt From TV

Part Two, Sex Dreams

SEX!
It’s what men think about every five seconds. Click on Obama’s interview on The View. Every five seconds clap your hands, bang a gong, or yell sex, coz that’s what he’ll be thinking about.
In all seriousness, I asked a man about this, and he said that yes, men do think about sex roughly every five seconds out of the day, but not every five seconds on the dot. If they’re doing something important or are really busy, the brain will focus on that, and the sex thoughts will come through later, mostly when they’re asleep.
This is what I’m writing about today; men’s sex dreams, and their partner’s reaction to them. It cannot be a secret to any woman over the age of fourteen that every guy over the age of fourteen has sex dreams. Of course, as the men get older and their hormones balance out, the number of wet dreams will decrease, but the dreams will still have some sex in them. So if your guy wakes you up with his moaning or with, ahm, morning wood then don’t act shocked. If you’re sleeping with the guy then you should know enough about him (or men in general) to not be traumatized.
TV seems to accept this, but they rock the boat by asking too many questions. In sitcoms in particular, the same problem occurs time and time again; the guy is thinking about other women because, in his dream, his wife is dead.
Wifey takes this the wrong way, of course (otherwise there’d be no ‘com’ in ‘sitcom’), and hilarity ensures. She thinks that, if hubby had a choice, he’d get rid of her and shack up with this other woman. Hubby denies, saying that his brain conjures up other women but he doesn’t wanna cheat, so he makes the wife dead. In some circumstances, wife thinks he may actually kill her.
Learning from these esteemed TV women, I only have one piece of advice. Chill out! He’s sleeping in your bed, telling you about these things, that’s what you should be focusing on.
Men think visually, so they’re more turned on by visual stimuli. Maybe try saying, ‘instead of dreaming I’m dead, add me in there with the both of you’. I’m sure nothing would make him happier... except if the three-way were in real life.
If you have anything to say about sex and men's issues, comment below. You can be anonymous to hide from your parents or partner if you want.

Kathy

4 comments:

  1. Hehehehe, so very true. Oh wait - I'm just incriminating myself....... (Fakes a distraction out the window, then as everyone looks, slips out of the room)

    Saved!

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  2. As you said, focus on the fact that your partner is telling you those things. That is a sign of a healthy relationship in my opinion. I believe that we can not be responsible for all the thoughts in our head but are responsible for our reactions to them and further actions.

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  3. Very well written, anonymous; couldn't have said it better myself.

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